Que sera sera

Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.

How true are those words in most of our lives. We want to control the things that are happening, but so rarely do things go according to plan. Sometimes plans are changed because of tragedy...an accident takes your legs, outsourcing takes your job, a storm takes your home. Sometimes plans change because of happy events, an unexpected marriage proposal, a job offer, twin boys instead of a single girl.

The last time my life plan went uninterrupted for any length of time was when I joined the Navy. Well, thanks to an arrest, the second time I enlisted. With a fresh record I had to choose a different job. From there, the next three and a half years were golden. I had nobody to be responsible for but me & plans were never a necessity. I did some wild & OUTRAGEOUS things that looking back make me go..."Oh jeebus cripes...what was I thinking?!?!?!" I had a general idea of what I wanted to do with my future, but it was flexible.

Then manslice happened. Then E-Bee. Now Slash.

Instead of being up to my elbows in my officer package, I'm now elbow deep in diapers, stuffed animals, graham crackers, and spit up. Most stressful part of Saturday night used to be trying to figure out what to wear...and making sure nobody took pictures lol. Now I have to arrange a sitter, pack an overnight bag, and make sure I stay sober enough to pick Bee up if necessary. I used to blow money on frivolous shit & now I compare the price for the cheapest paper towels.

Do I miss my old life? Sometimes, honestly, hell yeah! When I hear friends making plans at the last second, when I hear crazy stories that I used to be a part of I absolutely miss it. Life was simple back then. I only had to worry about me & what was going on the next day. I didn't have to save if I didn't want to & cold & flu season wasn't even something I thought about!

Would I go back to it? No, honestly, not even for a minute. I've got a good job that pays well, let's me do the same job I loved in the Navy, only requires 8 hours a day, and I can walk away from at any time if I want to. I might not get to act like a kid anymore, but now I've got my own kid who looks at me like I'm the greatest thing to happen to the world. I've got a little boy on the way & I can't wait to see if he looks as much like daddy as E-Bee does. Speaking of Daddy, he's an amazing man who challenges me & encourages me. Yes we fight, but our relationship is a complicated situation that I guarantee nobody else is in. Despite the sticky mess it is sometimes, there is nobody I'd rather wake up next to.
Do I wish things would go a little more according to plan? Yeah, but who doesn't? When something new comes up that throws everything for a loop, I wish I could look into the future & figure out exactly what the plan is, but as the song says "The future's not ours to see."

Que sera sera.

Whatever will be, will be.