El Centro

Sucks. But more about that in a minute.

Went back to work August 12th. Earlier than planned, but I was losing my mind staying at home. So far it's been great. I'm back out on the line launching airplanes & I really do love my damn job. Been able to keep up breastfeeding (until now...grrrr) so the girls have stayed high & tight. Funny as hell to wear scoop neck shirts & watch guys try NOT to look down them. Was walking in from the flight line & passed a jet doing a hot pump (refuel with engines on) and the pilot in the back stared, stared, stared, and without looking away picks up his mask to say something. Pilot in the front looked up, looked around, saw me & stared, stared, stared. I also had to re-attach a leg harness while the pilot was in the cockpit. The leg harness re-attaches on the bottom of the seat and this particular pilot was a very large Marine...which meant that I had to be all up in his lap. I glanced up at one point and saw him blatantly looking down my shirt. It wasn't even creepy though...it was like he was admiring a piece of art. Best was probably when I caught one of my pilots coming down the stairs after a flight saying "My PC had a great rack. There should be a hand signal for 'jump up & down so I can watch your tits bounce'." He had the decency to look embarrassed when he turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs & saw me. I just smiled and said "You could have just asked". I can't really get offended at this stuff. It's not like a shirt like that says "Please don't look at my boobs." Say what you want...my babies need a daddy!!! Halfway kidding.

Now about El Centro. Not only was I "voluntold" that I was going, but they also sent me early det. Me. The only employee who is breastfeeding an infant. Ok. I can cope...not happily...but I can cope. Now here I am...5 days into this det...and they still haven't paid my per diem...money to live down here. Dirty fuckers. El Centro itself isn't so bad. It's not the greatest place, but I've always had a really good time when I'm down here. God the stories Jamee & I  have from here...scandalous things!!! Not to mention my last det with Rhianna. Ahh...VMFA-314...what good guys. Tomorrow night is BMW night...also known as Pigs in Space. They allow civilians onto base to go to the club...and oh the amusement that entails for us. Did get to see Trista on my way down here. I miss that girl like crazy!!! Was so great to see her & her babies! Big thank you to Tasha for taking care of my babies while I'm gone. Was able to Skype with them the other night & I wanted to cry. I've been away from Emma before...but not for this long. It's weird too...whenever I left her, it was for the boat. One night out the night before then work my ass off day after day for a week. Now...if I want to get drunk every night...I can. I don't have to worry about middle of the night feedings...or making breakfast...or bubble guppies. It's almost as if I'm not even a mommy until Oct 1st. Strange feeling. Think I'd still rather be home with them though. Could be worse...military members leave their kids for WAY longer.

Now if my per diem check could just get here & if I could just stop thinking about my babies all the time...I could have some fun.

Jiggly Me

I’m jiggly. I know I look pretty darn good for having a baby less than two weeks ago…but let’s be honest…parts of me jiggle that didn’t jiggle before. And they jiggle even when I’m trying to make them not jiggle. On  the upside, one of those parts is my boobs…that happens to be an awesome jiggle that I hope never ever goes away!!! The jiggle I’m hoping does go away (and SOON) is my stomach. It literally shakes when I laugh. Santa Claus aint got shit on me!!! I do fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, but considering I was able to wear most of them my entire pregnancy, it’s really not saying much. I want my nice flat, toned, muscular, abs back!!! Took me four months to see the six pack after Bee, but I don’t have that kind of time now!!! Four months from now it will be October…no longer swimsuit season. Ok…there’s a chance it will still be swimsuit season, it is Lemoore after all. The land of cow smells and summer that lasts 6 or 7 months of the year. But that’s not the point!!! It’s summer now & there’s only so long I can get away with laying on my stomach or flat on my back, the only two positions that make my stomach look deceivingly flat. Too bad the doctor couldn’t tuck up a few extra inches when she stitched up my c-section…I would have even paid extra for it!

Guess I’ll just have to do it the old fashioned way…by throwing up after every meal. Just kidding…that’s a waste of money, anorexia is WAY cheaper. Kidding again. For now I’ve cut out all starchy carbs except for breakfast, and even that is healthy whole grain ones. Lunch and dinner are fish or chicken with lots of vegetables. I even picked up some frozen fruit to whip up smoothies in between meals…gotta keep the energy up to chase Bee and the calories to breast feed Slash (which in turn keeps the boobies big and bouncy!).  So far…I had spaghetti and garlic toast Sunday and Monday, then Tuesday I ate really well all day…whole wheat French toast with peanut butter, berry smoothie for a snack, tilapia with vegetables and yogurt for lunch, salmon with broccoli & asparagus for dinner…and cheesecake. A big glorious smooth rich and creamy piece of cheesecake. I had to…I was out to dinner for a friends birthday and it would have been borderline sacrilege not to indulge at least a little bit. I brought a second slice home & ate it for breakfast this morning. It’s ok though. It was a fresh strawberry one which counts as fruit, dairy, and grain (the graham cracker crust). Good thing I didn’t order the chocolate one. Because then I would have just been a fat ass eating cheese cake for breakfast.

Exercise wise I started in on p90x and Billy Blanks Tae Bo Amped. Let me just say…I <3 you Billy Blanks. I’m limited on what exercises I can do. After Bee I started doing full ab work way too soon and pulled an internal stitch. I know it sounds painful, but you really can’t comprehend the full force of that pain unless you’ve been there done that. It was so bad, I went to the nearest hospita…the one with the security guard at the front and the metal detectors…instead of a safer one a little further away…the one without the metal detectors. I’ve never seen so many homeless people in one room at once. That whole experience was enough to convince me to take it easy on my abs for a while. It’s hard to resist the urge, but every time I start thinking maybe I’ll just do a few sit ups, I remember the guy laying on the gurney with a homemade shank sticking out of his side…and the way he smelled. Imagine is somebody ate dead baby, then vomited it up, and the vomit sat in the hot sun all day. That memory is enough to stop me from crunchin it up.

Honestly, I’m scared I won’t get back to where I was. What if this time around, the extra sticks around? I’ve always taken enormous pride in my body and worked hard to maintain it. I’ve always had a bangin body & could wear whatever I wanted or nothing at all and not worry a bit about what people thought when they saw. I’m not ready to give that up!!! I know I need to be patient…but I sure wish I could speed it up a little bit.

Better Late Than Never

It's been a while...to say the least. So many things have happened since I last wrote, some good, some bad, some absolutely amazing.

1. Moved to a new apartment.
Two bedrooms was a tight fit for Jamee, Bee, & I so it was time to move. Got an amazing three bedroom in the newest complex. Best part is...full size washer & dryer!!!

2. Bee and Slash's dad signed away all parental rights. And I agreed to it.
Signed the paperwork just before he left for his new duty station across the country. Makes absolutely no sense to anybody, but I understand why he made the choice and in the long run, it will be he who misses out. I still cry though. I still love him and miss him terribly. And I feel like I failed my children in this aspect. Eventually I'll explain it, but I'm too hormonal to do it without crying right now.

3. I'm addicted to my job.
Or rather I should say, I'm addicted to the office job they had me doing. I delayed my maternity leave to orientate the two people who would be taking over while I was gone, but had to cram in all the information into 3 days. Since being gone, I've received numerous e-mails from various people at work needing my help. Makes me feel needed and appreciated at least. There's a major inspection going on though. And even though I'm not even there and there's nothing I can do about it, I know it's going to be a reflection on my work. Resisting the urge to go by work...just to see...just to make sure...

4. Slash is here.
8:27a.m. June 3rd, my handsome little man made his screaming entrance into this world. He's definitely got my mouth...and his daddy's big wide head. They had to use the vacuum to get it out of my pelvis. 19 3/4" weighing 6lbs 13oz, he's almost as long as Bee was, but a lot skinnier. Actually only fit into preemie sizes for awhile. Trista was in the O.R. with me. Dressed like a lesbian so nobody would wonder why there was no dad there. What can I say? I have some amazing friends!!! He looks like Bee did when she was born, except his hair is lighter. I've got two babies now that look like their daddy and it breaks my heart sometimes to look at them. I wouldn't change a thing about them though.

5. Getting sick as a single mom is hard.
Bee stayed with Tasha while I was in the hospital and for two days after. I missed that little love bug so much...she seemed huge when I finally saw her. She ended up sick that night and mommy got it two days later. I had the common sense to call Tasha for help, knowing I wouldn't be able to keep up with Bee. Tasha's mom came and got her and I crawled into bed with Slash. After long hours of my insides turning themselves inside out, I got up to change Slash and promptly passed out from dehydration. Another phone call to Tasha and she sent her brother in law over to give me a hand. He brought me a few glasses of ice water and all the things to change Slash and left. The next day I was weak and light headed and my incision hurt from my muscles forcing everything out. I haven't been sick like that in years. Made me feel pretty bad not being able to take care of my kids, but thank goodness I had people I could count on. I am blessed.

Lessons from San Diego

Last weekend was the Centennial Of Naval Aviation in San Diego, CA. I decided to pack up the kiddo and the car and make the 6 hour drive down. Having just gotten my license just under a year ago (don't ask!) the longest trip I've made was 3 hours up to Sacramento. Big difference between that & driving the Grapevine. Thank God for beautiful weather & one happy little traveler the drive was quick & uneventful. While down in San Diego I learned some valuable lessons...

I hate one way streets. Especially when there is construction.

I hate the words recalculating route...especially when I'm on the exact street I'm supposed to be on!

4 kids...ok for a few hours...then I feel like I can actually see pieces of my mind scattered around that I've lost.

T's youngest (3 months older than Bee) is a one quick little bugger!!! Darted out of the elevator RIGHT before the doors closed. My heart actually stopped for a moment. Thank goodness we hadn't pushed a floor button so I was able to get the doors open & catch her.

Parking is expensive down there. Unless you happen to be awesome like me & find an unmonitored parking lot. Yes you risk a parking ticket...but it's the principle!!!

The beds at the Sheraton Suites at Symphony Hall are very firm. They're still better than the mattress on the sofa bed. NOT a good night!!!

Two toddlers cannot sleep in the same mini crib. They will beat the crap out of each other & drive the adults nuts with yelling.

E-Bee is a very mobile sleeper. She fell off the bed three times in the night (after the 2 toddlers 1 crib fiasco for 3 hours, I brought her into my bed). I finally put the couch cushion between the bed & the wall after the second tumble. Then I finally just put her on the cushion to sleep. She couldn't have cared less. Wish I could sleep like that.

It is possible to take two & a half hours to make a 20 min drive. No idea how people handle it on a daily basis.

My baby does not get sunburn. During out 2.5 hour trek across the Coronado bridge, my arms (I take that back...my left arm only) turned red as a tomato & while her little shins turned brown. Don't worry, I put sunscreen on her before we actually got into the sun.

Never take directions from aircrewmen. They will send you on the most asinine deserted route past steaming sewers & dirty alleys.

The Manchester Grand Hyatt has the most AMAZING breakfast buffet. More than worth the $20 per person. I think I put on 5lbs and couldn't have cared less!!!

Watching a 40 Hornet flyover gives me lady wood. Just imagining it makes me want to go rub JP-5 all over my body & hump a main mount.

My SO is an ass. An ass to the point that I've got a lot of thinking to do.

On that note (and the tears it brings to my eyes), it's time to get to bed.

40 weeks is a LOOOOONG time!!!

My first pregnancy was golden. It was a complete dream & I loved every minute of it. This time around though, not so much. For those of you who have never had a baby, here’s what you have to look forward to for 40 weeks!!!

First Trimester-

Your boobs hurt. You can no longer stand the smell of steak cooking (or anything else for that matter). Your favorite pair of jeans starts to get a bit snug & you’re wondering if maybe you should be hitting the gym a little harder. Not that you really need to, since everything you put into your mouth is coming right back up. Acne pops up on your face & you can’t seem to watch any type of inspirational show without wanting to bawl. Disney movies will definitely make you want to curl up in a ball and sob…Poor Simba *sniffle*. He just wants *hiccup hiccup* to be brave *sniff sniff* but he’s just a baby lion *waaaaaaah*.

Second Trimester-

Your boobs no longer fit in your bra, but you can’t go buy a new one because in a few months they’re going to be even bigger. There’s also a good chance they may even be leaking a strange yellowish liquid that the doctor insists is totally normal no matter how creepy & gross it looks You can’t stop eating. Big meals seem like distant memories 20 minutes after you finish them. You get mysterious aches & pains in your whole body & start to feel what can only be described as a trapped goldfish in your stomach.  Speaking of that stomach… your burgeoning belly is barely making the transition from really big lunch to cute little baby belly & everybody wants to touch it. This includes your family, friends, co-workers, & strangers in line behind you at Wal-Mart. You’re still emotional & sometimes a little crazy. My sister & I call it “Going Rummy” due to a screaming fit I had over a game of Rummy during my first pregnancy.

Third Trimester-

Guess what is STILL getting bigger??? That’s right…your boobs.  Your belly is beyond cute now & is pretty much just in the way. Simple things like getting up from the couch become an Olympic event that require you to find the perfect amount of momentum to get up, but not fall over once you are up. You can’t sleep no matter what position you get into. You pee every 5 min & yet the doctor keeps telling you to drink more. You can only eat a bird sized portion of food which means you’re constantly eating. Soon as you have food in your stomach though, heartburn strikes.  On the other end…one word…hemorrhoids. That is…if you even can poop.  Nothing fits & you finally give in & put on the big ugly maternity pants that you swore to God you were NEVER going to wear. Once you put them on…you won’t want to take them off. That trapped goldfish has turned into a ninja master who finds new ways to punch & kick you in body parts you didn’t even know you had. You’ll watch in creepy amazement as your baby somersaults across your stomach & makes it look like something out of Alien. Your body is just wore out & tired & you just want it to be over with. People start saying helpful & encouraging phrases such as “Geez, you’re STILL pregnant?!?!” & “Aren’t you ever going to have this baby???”  Oddly enough, as tired, huge, and achy as you are, you develop an irresistible urge to clean your whole home 6, 7, 8, times. This phenomenon, known as nesting, is going to consume every waking moment. You won’t rest until you mop just one more time & get all the folds in the baby’s shirts juuuuust right. This final phase of pregnancy culminates with screaming, sweating, grunting, cursing, blood, fluid, and sometimes poops. Oh…& they won’t let you eat…bastards. Everything after that is its own horror show of grossness with puke, poop, blood, and snot for the next 18 years.

All these things might make you wonder why ANYBODY wants to have babies nowadays. Believe it or not though, all those bitches, moans, gripes, and complaints can’t even begin to compare to the first moment you hold your baby. As you sit there all the bad things suddenly are forgotten and all you can do is marvel at her perfect eyebrows and count his tiny fingers & itty bitty toes. And that’s just in the first 5 minutes. From then on, the rest of your life is going to be filled with these moments of wonder & joy. Makes every bit of those 40 weeks of pain & the stress of the next 18 years more than worth it.

Hide the babies

Usually, I enjoy coming into work. Not so much the having to be here at 6 am part, but the rest of it is pretty good. Granted right now I’m not doing my actual job…turns out jet exhaust & hazardous materials aren’t very good for a fetus. So the boyo is out of me, I’m resigned to desk work…and time sheets. I’m a time sheet master. There are days though, when this place makes me crazy. Or more specifically, there are certain people here that make me want to punch a baby.

>insert punching motion towards my uterus here<

There are a lot of advantages to working as a civilian contractor for the Navy. For one…I’m paid a ridiculous amount of money & have amazing benefits. Also almost all of my co-workers are former military so we all tend to be ok with completely inappropriate jokes. We are, for the most part, a bunch of kids in grown-up bodies doing grown-up jobs. Unfortunately, sometimes certain people still treat this like we are still in the military. Guys who were former chiefs act like they think they’re better than the rest of us & a certain supervisor still acts like he’s a squadron AMO. Add in the fact that we still deal with a Navy maintenance control that changes things 100 times in a minute, and this place can be down-right frustrating sometimes. Navy personnel tend to dislike us because we’re doing the same job as them for a lot more money & a lot fewer hours. Boo frikkety who. Nobody forced you to join & if you really hate it so much, get out…problem solved. Military would be better off without a bunch of pansy ass whiners anyway.

I’m off track though…back to the people I do work with who don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. I have almost no respect for people who are put in charge of me who never did my job. Whether they’re the ones right above me, or the guy at the tippy top, how can you tell us what is GOING to be done when you don’t even know what NEEDS to be done?!?!?! They ought to act like all my DivO’s did. Hands off backed out unless somebody gets in trouble. I don’t think any of my DivO’s even knew what we really did all day, but at least they didn’t try to tell us to do it differently. For the most part…we take what the higher ups tell us & then proceed to do it the way that works. So long as they don’t realize what’s going on, we’re all safe. Fortunately for me sitting at a desk, the silly rules don’t affect me. I won’t be here forever & I already know when I go back out to that line…I’m going to find even more things that piss me off.

Days Of My Not So Exciting Life

It's been a week since I wrote last. I wish I could say that sooooo much has happened since then, but my life just isn't that exciting. I did start my new classes...business law and math. Best part is there is a conspiracy guy in my law class. You know the kind...thinks cops are out to get everybody, all judges are corrupt, big oil controls everything, and there was another shooter in the JFK shooting. It's so hard to resist poking him & getting him going on a rant. Two classes may not seem like much, but they're from 530-1030 and by the time I pick up E-Bee & get us home & in bed it's 1115. When you get up at 4 am...that's a veeeeeery late night. I thought I was going to die at work on Friday. Nothing like a warm office & a comfortable chair to make you want to close your eyes for just a few moments.

Friday night was Tiggo Bitty's pre-baby dinner. I love getting together with her because she is a blast. We've known each other since we were brand new in the Navy. Some of the stories we have...oh Jesus. One of the best involves the phrase "Your vagina smells nice". Both of us have been through so much & come so far in our lives. From drunken trips to McDonald's to get double cheeseburgers to choosing a restraurant because our kids can color on the tablecloth, we're completely different and yet oddly the same as we used to be. Our daughters are less than a year apart & our second children will be the same. Her newest arrived in the wee hours of the very next morning. Congratulation Mr. & Mrs. S on your new baby girl! I cannot wait to see her.

Saturday I had a baby shower for yet another pregnant friend. Her third...she's a baby making machine!!! Lots of kids there for Bee to play with, but one who is about to turn two was a bit of a spoiled bully. Bee was perfectly happy sitting in one spot holding her little toy & eating apple slices. The other little girl kept taking her toy which E-Bee didn't react to. My little girl is such a push over sometimes. I kept retrieving the toy & becoming very frustrated with the other mother who didn't think it was a big deal since kids need to learn how to share. When the 2 year old took Bee's apple slice though...my sweet baby swung back & whaled the girl in the face and took her apple slice back. Other mom freaked out of course, but all I could do was laugh. My admonishment of "No hitting E-Bee. Hitting is bad!" probably wasn't very effective while laughing. You can take her toys, but you leave my little fatty's food alone!!!

Sunday I went out for date night with daddy. We actually managed to spend 4 straight hours together without arguing. Granted two hours of it was spent in a movie, but I'm counting it!!! Thanks to preggo cravings I decided I absolutely HAD to have steak so we went to Ruth Chris's Steakhouse & I paid. Expensive but totally worth every bite of that filet mignon. That is probably the only restraurant that when the waiter says the not to touch the plate because it's very hot, I believe them. The fact that my steak is still sizzling on the plate is proof enough for me!

Side note...why do we believe it when somebody says there are billions of stars in the sky, but when the waiter says "The plate is extremely hot", or a sign says 'wet paint' we just HAVE to touch it???

Anyway...since I chose dinner, daddy chose the movie. I groaned a little when I saw which one he chose, True Grit, but was pleasantly surprised by how good it was. All three main characters played their parts very well. After movie we went back to his place & just spent some time talking. I resisted the night coming to an end, but I didn't want to stay too late & be too tired to drive. Before everything happened, it wouldn't have been an issue, I would have just stayed the night. But we're not there right now. As much as I agree that we do need to learn to be friends & build a solid foundation for a relationship, it's very hard to not have all the little physical things we used to share. Like sleeping next to each other or holding his hand while walking. First things first though & we'll have a long future ahead of us to get in all the physical contact we want. Seeing all his things packed up brought a big lump to my throat. I've known for a long time that he would be leaving, but actually seeing those boxes made it seem so real. In just a few months, he really will be leaving and E-Bee & I won't be going with him. I know it's not forever and January will be here again faster than I think, but the thought of him across the country without us hurts. Oh well, we're not the first family to be split up by distance & if they can do it surely we can as well. Just hoping we're in a more stable place before he actually leaves. Long distance is hard enough on a solid relationship...never mind how hard it is on ones like ours that are held together with fragile bonds. It's too hard & long to explain now & one day will have it's own post.

Monday I stayed in all day. Mostly on the couch. Bee had a fever that went up & down & came & went. She barely ate which is unusual for her, but she slept her normal amount. She was a little crankier than normal, but considering how happy she usually is, I can deal with the occasional crabby day. Sleep last night wasn't so smooth though. Up every hour from 1230 on. Mommy is tired today...and once again...my office is warm...and my chair is comfy...and I feel like if I could just close my eyes...for...one......sec.........ond..........................