I’m jiggly. I know I look pretty darn good for having a baby less than two weeks ago…but let’s be honest…parts of me jiggle that didn’t jiggle before. And they jiggle even when I’m trying to make them not jiggle. On the upside, one of those parts is my boobs…that happens to be an awesome jiggle that I hope never ever goes away!!! The jiggle I’m hoping does go away (and SOON) is my stomach. It literally shakes when I laugh. Santa Claus aint got shit on me!!! I do fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, but considering I was able to wear most of them my entire pregnancy, it’s really not saying much. I want my nice flat, toned, muscular, abs back!!! Took me four months to see the six pack after Bee, but I don’t have that kind of time now!!! Four months from now it will be October…no longer swimsuit season. Ok…there’s a chance it will still be swimsuit season, it is Lemoore after all. The land of cow smells and summer that lasts 6 or 7 months of the year. But that’s not the point!!! It’s summer now & there’s only so long I can get away with laying on my stomach or flat on my back, the only two positions that make my stomach look deceivingly flat. Too bad the doctor couldn’t tuck up a few extra inches when she stitched up my c-section…I would have even paid extra for it!
Guess I’ll just have to do it the old fashioned way…by throwing up after every meal. Just kidding…that’s a waste of money, anorexia is WAY cheaper. Kidding again. For now I’ve cut out all starchy carbs except for breakfast, and even that is healthy whole grain ones. Lunch and dinner are fish or chicken with lots of vegetables. I even picked up some frozen fruit to whip up smoothies in between meals…gotta keep the energy up to chase Bee and the calories to breast feed Slash (which in turn keeps the boobies big and bouncy!). So far…I had spaghetti and garlic toast Sunday and Monday, then Tuesday I ate really well all day…whole wheat French toast with peanut butter, berry smoothie for a snack, tilapia with vegetables and yogurt for lunch, salmon with broccoli & asparagus for dinner…and cheesecake. A big glorious smooth rich and creamy piece of cheesecake. I had to…I was out to dinner for a friends birthday and it would have been borderline sacrilege not to indulge at least a little bit. I brought a second slice home & ate it for breakfast this morning. It’s ok though. It was a fresh strawberry one which counts as fruit, dairy, and grain (the graham cracker crust). Good thing I didn’t order the chocolate one. Because then I would have just been a fat ass eating cheese cake for breakfast.
Exercise wise I started in on p90x and Billy Blanks Tae Bo Amped. Let me just say…I <3 you Billy Blanks. I’m limited on what exercises I can do. After Bee I started doing full ab work way too soon and pulled an internal stitch. I know it sounds painful, but you really can’t comprehend the full force of that pain unless you’ve been there done that. It was so bad, I went to the nearest hospita…the one with the security guard at the front and the metal detectors…instead of a safer one a little further away…the one without the metal detectors. I’ve never seen so many homeless people in one room at once. That whole experience was enough to convince me to take it easy on my abs for a while. It’s hard to resist the urge, but every time I start thinking maybe I’ll just do a few sit ups, I remember the guy laying on the gurney with a homemade shank sticking out of his side…and the way he smelled. Imagine is somebody ate dead baby, then vomited it up, and the vomit sat in the hot sun all day. That memory is enough to stop me from crunchin it up.
Honestly, I’m scared I won’t get back to where I was. What if this time around, the extra sticks around? I’ve always taken enormous pride in my body and worked hard to maintain it. I’ve always had a bangin body & could wear whatever I wanted or nothing at all and not worry a bit about what people thought when they saw. I’m not ready to give that up!!! I know I need to be patient…but I sure wish I could speed it up a little bit.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Better Late Than Never
It's been a while...to say the least. So many things have happened since I last wrote, some good, some bad, some absolutely amazing.
1. Moved to a new apartment.
Two bedrooms was a tight fit for Jamee, Bee, & I so it was time to move. Got an amazing three bedroom in the newest complex. Best part is...full size washer & dryer!!!
2. Bee and Slash's dad signed away all parental rights. And I agreed to it.
Signed the paperwork just before he left for his new duty station across the country. Makes absolutely no sense to anybody, but I understand why he made the choice and in the long run, it will be he who misses out. I still cry though. I still love him and miss him terribly. And I feel like I failed my children in this aspect. Eventually I'll explain it, but I'm too hormonal to do it without crying right now.
3. I'm addicted to my job.
Or rather I should say, I'm addicted to the office job they had me doing. I delayed my maternity leave to orientate the two people who would be taking over while I was gone, but had to cram in all the information into 3 days. Since being gone, I've received numerous e-mails from various people at work needing my help. Makes me feel needed and appreciated at least. There's a major inspection going on though. And even though I'm not even there and there's nothing I can do about it, I know it's going to be a reflection on my work. Resisting the urge to go by work...just to see...just to make sure...
4. Slash is here.
8:27a.m. June 3rd, my handsome little man made his screaming entrance into this world. He's definitely got my mouth...and his daddy's big wide head. They had to use the vacuum to get it out of my pelvis. 19 3/4" weighing 6lbs 13oz, he's almost as long as Bee was, but a lot skinnier. Actually only fit into preemie sizes for awhile. Trista was in the O.R. with me. Dressed like a lesbian so nobody would wonder why there was no dad there. What can I say? I have some amazing friends!!! He looks like Bee did when she was born, except his hair is lighter. I've got two babies now that look like their daddy and it breaks my heart sometimes to look at them. I wouldn't change a thing about them though.
5. Getting sick as a single mom is hard.
Bee stayed with Tasha while I was in the hospital and for two days after. I missed that little love bug so much...she seemed huge when I finally saw her. She ended up sick that night and mommy got it two days later. I had the common sense to call Tasha for help, knowing I wouldn't be able to keep up with Bee. Tasha's mom came and got her and I crawled into bed with Slash. After long hours of my insides turning themselves inside out, I got up to change Slash and promptly passed out from dehydration. Another phone call to Tasha and she sent her brother in law over to give me a hand. He brought me a few glasses of ice water and all the things to change Slash and left. The next day I was weak and light headed and my incision hurt from my muscles forcing everything out. I haven't been sick like that in years. Made me feel pretty bad not being able to take care of my kids, but thank goodness I had people I could count on. I am blessed.
1. Moved to a new apartment.
Two bedrooms was a tight fit for Jamee, Bee, & I so it was time to move. Got an amazing three bedroom in the newest complex. Best part is...full size washer & dryer!!!
2. Bee and Slash's dad signed away all parental rights. And I agreed to it.
Signed the paperwork just before he left for his new duty station across the country. Makes absolutely no sense to anybody, but I understand why he made the choice and in the long run, it will be he who misses out. I still cry though. I still love him and miss him terribly. And I feel like I failed my children in this aspect. Eventually I'll explain it, but I'm too hormonal to do it without crying right now.
3. I'm addicted to my job.
Or rather I should say, I'm addicted to the office job they had me doing. I delayed my maternity leave to orientate the two people who would be taking over while I was gone, but had to cram in all the information into 3 days. Since being gone, I've received numerous e-mails from various people at work needing my help. Makes me feel needed and appreciated at least. There's a major inspection going on though. And even though I'm not even there and there's nothing I can do about it, I know it's going to be a reflection on my work. Resisting the urge to go by work...just to see...just to make sure...
4. Slash is here.
8:27a.m. June 3rd, my handsome little man made his screaming entrance into this world. He's definitely got my mouth...and his daddy's big wide head. They had to use the vacuum to get it out of my pelvis. 19 3/4" weighing 6lbs 13oz, he's almost as long as Bee was, but a lot skinnier. Actually only fit into preemie sizes for awhile. Trista was in the O.R. with me. Dressed like a lesbian so nobody would wonder why there was no dad there. What can I say? I have some amazing friends!!! He looks like Bee did when she was born, except his hair is lighter. I've got two babies now that look like their daddy and it breaks my heart sometimes to look at them. I wouldn't change a thing about them though.
5. Getting sick as a single mom is hard.
Bee stayed with Tasha while I was in the hospital and for two days after. I missed that little love bug so much...she seemed huge when I finally saw her. She ended up sick that night and mommy got it two days later. I had the common sense to call Tasha for help, knowing I wouldn't be able to keep up with Bee. Tasha's mom came and got her and I crawled into bed with Slash. After long hours of my insides turning themselves inside out, I got up to change Slash and promptly passed out from dehydration. Another phone call to Tasha and she sent her brother in law over to give me a hand. He brought me a few glasses of ice water and all the things to change Slash and left. The next day I was weak and light headed and my incision hurt from my muscles forcing everything out. I haven't been sick like that in years. Made me feel pretty bad not being able to take care of my kids, but thank goodness I had people I could count on. I am blessed.
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